1 00:00:05,005 --> 00:00:06,173 Ugh. 2 00:00:06,173 --> 00:00:07,550 I can't see crap. 3 00:00:07,550 --> 00:00:09,802 I don't know how the Biebs gets anything done. 4 00:00:09,802 --> 00:00:13,681 {\an8}Try having a wallet chain that weighs five times your body weight, bro. 5 00:00:13,681 --> 00:00:18,144 {\an8}- It looks sick though, right? - Hell yeah. Let's go be emo AF. 6 00:00:19,395 --> 00:00:20,813 On their phones? 7 00:00:23,274 --> 00:00:24,483 No kiss? 8 00:00:25,443 --> 00:00:28,738 Where are all the future teen moms? 9 00:00:28,738 --> 00:00:32,825 {\an8}- Damn, no one in town's boning. - It's more than that, Klaus. 10 00:00:32,825 --> 00:00:37,455 {\an8}It's a total lack of intimacy, and it wounds my emo soul. 11 00:00:37,455 --> 00:00:42,001 Whoa, even Principal Lewis isn't sniffing the volleyball team's hair 12 00:00:42,001 --> 00:00:43,335 for good luck anymore. 13 00:00:43,335 --> 00:00:45,755 He was spoken to, but still, it's heartbreaking. 14 00:00:45,755 --> 00:00:49,216 Luckily, I know just the person to contact to save Langley. 15 00:00:49,216 --> 00:00:51,010 Later, skater. 16 00:00:51,010 --> 00:00:55,431 Wait, so we're not going to the 7-Eleven to steal beers in your big pants? 17 00:00:55,431 --> 00:00:59,685 Nothing says you mean business like a letter written in your own blood. 18 00:01:07,568 --> 00:01:08,986 To the winds! 19 00:01:08,986 --> 00:01:10,946 Okay, time to relax. 20 00:01:21,540 --> 00:01:24,376 Come on, Mei Lan. Don't shut Bao Bao out. 21 00:01:24,376 --> 00:01:26,086 Look into her eyes. 22 00:01:39,975 --> 00:01:42,394 {\an8}Written in blood? They must mean business. 23 00:01:42,394 --> 00:01:47,191 Langley needs an intimacy coach. Stay sexy, Beijing. 24 00:01:48,818 --> 00:01:53,280 Darn tootin' I ride my Vespa sidesaddle. I'm classy as shit. 25 00:01:59,411 --> 00:02:02,122 ♪ Good morning, USA ♪ 26 00:02:02,122 --> 00:02:05,751 ♪ I got a feeling That it's gonna be A wonderful day ♪ 27 00:02:05,751 --> 00:02:08,629 ♪ The sun in the sky Has a smile on his face ♪ 28 00:02:08,629 --> 00:02:12,758 ♪ And he's shining a salute To the American race ♪ 29 00:02:15,052 --> 00:02:18,347 ♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪ 30 00:02:18,347 --> 00:02:21,559 {\an8}♪ Good morning, USA ♪ 31 00:02:23,519 --> 00:02:26,814 {\an8}♪ Good morning, USA ♪ 32 00:02:26,814 --> 00:02:30,901 {\an8}Bonsoir, Langley. Welcome to Lovers and Other Strangers. 33 00:02:30,901 --> 00:02:34,905 {\an8}I'm your host, intimacy coach and grandma, Suzette Foufoune. 34 00:02:36,282 --> 00:02:37,658 {\an8}Let's get right into it, shall we? 35 00:02:37,658 --> 00:02:40,995 {\an8}Most people don't know how to practice intimacy, 36 00:02:40,995 --> 00:02:45,916 {\an8}which I like to spell "into me see," to remind you to let your partner in. 37 00:02:45,916 --> 00:02:49,295 {\an8}For instance, have you ever asked your partner what temperature 38 00:02:49,295 --> 00:02:50,796 {\an8}of bath water they prefer? 39 00:02:50,796 --> 00:02:53,549 {\an8}I like mine the temperature of urine, which is convenient 40 00:02:53,549 --> 00:02:55,759 {\an8}because I have chronic bladder control issues. 41 00:02:56,927 --> 00:02:59,305 {\an8}And now a word from our sponsor, 42 00:02:59,305 --> 00:03:01,682 {\an8}Gary's Wholesale Sausage Emporium. 43 00:03:01,682 --> 00:03:05,144 {\an8}Are retail hot dog prices making you c-c-razy? 44 00:03:05,144 --> 00:03:08,731 {\an8}Come on down to Gary's for all your discount dog needs. 45 00:03:08,731 --> 00:03:12,234 {\an8}- Was this really the best we could do? - Blue Apron passed. 46 00:03:12,234 --> 00:03:16,322 {\an8}Okay, okay. Let's get vulnerable, Langley. Let's get sexy. 47 00:03:16,322 --> 00:03:20,367 {\an8}First caller gets 11 feet of Gary's signature summer sausage. 48 00:03:20,367 --> 00:03:23,537 {\an8}Bonsoir, lover. What's your question for Suzanne? 49 00:03:23,537 --> 00:03:27,458 I'm afraid to initiate physical contact with my wife. 50 00:03:27,458 --> 00:03:31,211 {\an8}More of a statement than a question, but we'll say you still get 51 00:03:31,211 --> 00:03:32,796 {\an8}five feet of sausage. 52 00:03:36,550 --> 00:03:38,719 {\an8}Our next guest is known as 53 00:03:38,719 --> 00:03:41,555 {\an8}the "Get It On Granny." 54 00:03:41,555 --> 00:03:43,557 {\an8}She's taken Langley by storm. 55 00:03:43,557 --> 00:03:48,312 {\an8}Give it up for Suzette Foufoune! 56 00:03:50,564 --> 00:03:53,400 {\an8}Now, you've transformed Langley into 57 00:03:53,400 --> 00:03:56,070 {\an8}one of the sexiest cities in America, 58 00:03:56,070 --> 00:04:00,074 {\an8}and did what no one else could or wanted to. 59 00:04:00,074 --> 00:04:03,619 You got Suze and her ex Mike back together. 60 00:04:03,619 --> 00:04:05,663 The courts, her family, 61 00:04:05,663 --> 00:04:08,874 and his AA sponsor are all against it. 62 00:04:08,874 --> 00:04:11,669 But with your help, they found a way. 63 00:04:14,004 --> 00:04:17,383 - Is that foreplay or foul play? 64 00:04:17,383 --> 00:04:19,843 After the break, we find out. 65 00:04:23,389 --> 00:04:25,474 If it weren't for Roger's new persona, 66 00:04:25,474 --> 00:04:28,644 {\an8}I wouldn't have discovered how much I love brushing your hair. 67 00:04:28,644 --> 00:04:33,023 {\an8}I can't think of anything more intimate we could do in this position. 68 00:04:34,441 --> 00:04:36,902 Getting intimate with my bros has helped us dominate 69 00:04:36,902 --> 00:04:38,779 the Vow of the Disciple raid. 70 00:04:38,779 --> 00:04:43,534 Now we alternate the leeching force debuff while we kill the Glyphkeepers 71 00:04:43,534 --> 00:04:44,994 in Rhulk's inner sanctum. 72 00:04:44,994 --> 00:04:46,453 Thanks to Suzette, 73 00:04:46,453 --> 00:04:49,957 Snot and I took our relationship to the next level. 74 00:04:49,957 --> 00:04:52,001 We got matching tats. 75 00:04:52,001 --> 00:04:54,962 Oh, my God. Is nowhere safe? 76 00:04:54,962 --> 00:04:58,924 I just had to watch a couple Lady and the Tramp a sub sandwich at work. 77 00:04:58,924 --> 00:05:00,259 Babe, you're back. 78 00:05:00,259 --> 00:05:03,345 I had such a hectic day waiting for you in bed. 79 00:05:03,345 --> 00:05:06,181 Jeff and I don't need any of this intimacy crap. 80 00:05:06,181 --> 00:05:10,394 - Our relationship is tight. Right, Jeff? - Tight as a tiger. 81 00:05:12,604 --> 00:05:14,523 Sorry, that was a lion. 82 00:05:14,523 --> 00:05:17,818 Sounds like someone is afraid to get vulnerable. 83 00:05:17,818 --> 00:05:19,361 Or get sexy. 84 00:05:19,361 --> 00:05:23,032 Jeff and I are sexy as hell. In fact... 85 00:05:23,032 --> 00:05:26,160 Let's go do it! 86 00:05:34,543 --> 00:05:35,753 Peace, slut. 87 00:05:39,590 --> 00:05:42,885 ♪ Scrubbin' up my undercarriage ♪ 88 00:05:42,885 --> 00:05:46,305 ♪ Mediocre sex is part of marriage ♪ 89 00:05:49,266 --> 00:05:53,562 Keep meeting my needs! 90 00:05:53,562 --> 00:05:56,565 I'm meeting the shit out of your needs right now. 91 00:05:56,565 --> 00:05:59,318 Needs! Needs! 92 00:06:01,737 --> 00:06:03,906 "Need. A requirement, 93 00:06:03,906 --> 00:06:06,992 "either physiological 94 00:06:06,992 --> 00:06:11,538 "or puh-sy-cho-lo-gi-cal." 95 00:06:11,538 --> 00:06:13,248 Whoo! A lot of big words. 96 00:06:13,248 --> 00:06:17,586 Good thing I have this dic-tee-on-ary. 97 00:06:17,586 --> 00:06:23,801 {\an8}O-M-G, I have needs. But how can I get Hayley to be intimate? 98 00:06:23,801 --> 00:06:26,428 She just wants to hit it and quit it. 99 00:06:26,428 --> 00:06:28,722 It feels like your heart's not in this, Rogu. 100 00:06:28,722 --> 00:06:32,643 If I wanted someone to lightly slap my back with a dead fish, I have a guy. 101 00:06:32,643 --> 00:06:36,605 {\an8}Bonsoir, you're live with Suzette. What's your name, lover? 102 00:06:36,605 --> 00:06:37,731 {\an8}Jeff Fischer. 103 00:06:37,731 --> 00:06:41,151 {\an8}Oh, I mean, spelled G-E-O-F-F. 104 00:06:41,151 --> 00:06:43,278 Jeff, just come up to the attic, for God's sake. 105 00:06:43,278 --> 00:06:46,115 I'm going off air. Bring lotion. 106 00:06:46,115 --> 00:06:48,367 Now that's what I'm talking about. 107 00:06:48,367 --> 00:06:50,577 It should feel like you almost hate me. 108 00:06:50,577 --> 00:06:51,954 You were saying? 109 00:06:51,954 --> 00:06:54,540 I want intimacy, but I'm worried Hayley doesn't. 110 00:06:54,540 --> 00:06:59,253 With a resistant partner, you have to be crystal clear about your needs. 111 00:06:59,253 --> 00:07:00,671 Can you focus on my glutes? 112 00:07:00,671 --> 00:07:03,590 And when I say glutes, I obviously mean my butthole. 113 00:07:06,468 --> 00:07:11,014 Gentlemen, have any of you heard of something called Netflix? 114 00:07:11,014 --> 00:07:12,724 - Why sure, I have. 115 00:07:12,724 --> 00:07:14,810 It's a "streamer." 116 00:07:14,810 --> 00:07:18,188 Last night, I "streamed" a program about 117 00:07:18,188 --> 00:07:22,067 a spunky little gal called Marie Kondo. 118 00:07:22,067 --> 00:07:25,487 Marie is all about letting go of unnecessary crap. 119 00:07:25,487 --> 00:07:29,741 It made me realize the CIA is in dire need 120 00:07:29,741 --> 00:07:31,326 of a good decluttering. 121 00:07:31,326 --> 00:07:34,621 Does this mean you'll be inspecting our personal workspaces? 122 00:07:34,621 --> 00:07:36,331 Damn skippy, Weitzman. 123 00:07:36,331 --> 00:07:40,085 Unless it sparks joy for me personally, 124 00:07:40,085 --> 00:07:43,088 say sayonara, sweetheart. 125 00:07:43,088 --> 00:07:46,508 Ring, ring, ring. I'm getting a call on my spy phone. 126 00:07:46,508 --> 00:07:51,513 - Hello, Mr. President. - Sounds important. 127 00:08:01,607 --> 00:08:03,567 Champers? Noice. 128 00:08:07,321 --> 00:08:09,823 I realized if I want my needs met, 129 00:08:09,823 --> 00:08:12,492 it's important to be crystal clear. 130 00:08:12,492 --> 00:08:15,454 - So I need you to-- - Can't hear you when you're naked. 131 00:08:15,454 --> 00:08:18,415 Now bend over. Mama wants. 132 00:08:25,339 --> 00:08:26,632 Peace, slut. 133 00:08:31,553 --> 00:08:32,554 What are you doing up? 134 00:08:32,554 --> 00:08:33,889 - It's your nap time. - No. 135 00:08:33,889 --> 00:08:37,017 - It's "we need to talk" time, Hayley. - Hayley? 136 00:08:37,017 --> 00:08:40,687 - Someone needs a nap. - What I need is intimacy. 137 00:08:40,687 --> 00:08:42,522 And you're not meeting my needs. 138 00:08:42,522 --> 00:08:44,608 Uh, our sex life is fire, dude. 139 00:08:44,608 --> 00:08:48,320 I haven't finished from sex with you in over a year. 140 00:08:48,320 --> 00:08:50,113 Please. 141 00:08:50,113 --> 00:08:53,450 Everyone knows it's physically impossible for guys to fake orgasms. 142 00:08:53,450 --> 00:08:55,619 Sex. Sex. 143 00:08:56,620 --> 00:08:58,622 Sex! 144 00:08:59,748 --> 00:09:02,042 Oh, my God. You have been faking. 145 00:09:02,042 --> 00:09:03,710 I don't want to pretend anymore. 146 00:09:03,710 --> 00:09:08,382 That's why I bought us tickets to Suzette's Intimacy Intensive 147 00:09:08,382 --> 00:09:10,008 in Old Upper Lanceton. 148 00:09:10,008 --> 00:09:12,803 That weird old lady Roger persona everyone's obsessed with? 149 00:09:12,803 --> 00:09:14,012 No way. 150 00:09:14,012 --> 00:09:16,473 It starts tonight and I'm gonna be there. 151 00:09:17,140 --> 00:09:18,725 I hope you will be too. 152 00:09:20,269 --> 00:09:22,104 - Oh, my God. 153 00:09:22,854 --> 00:09:24,982 When did Jeff get a suitcase? 154 00:09:28,652 --> 00:09:31,613 How did I beat you here? You left two hours before me. 155 00:09:31,613 --> 00:09:34,324 I had to return my suitcase. It was a rental. 156 00:09:34,324 --> 00:09:37,661 - You came! - Yeah, and I'm not happy about it. 157 00:09:37,661 --> 00:09:40,580 - It smells weird in here. That's the vulnerability. 158 00:09:40,580 --> 00:09:43,375 It has an aroma like a soft cheese 159 00:09:43,375 --> 00:09:46,295 left to ripen gently in the Tuscan sun. 160 00:09:46,295 --> 00:09:48,922 This psycho's gonna help us? Right. 161 00:09:48,922 --> 00:09:52,301 Our first exercise. Let's start easy. 162 00:09:52,301 --> 00:09:55,304 Dip our toes into the "into-me-sea." 163 00:09:55,304 --> 00:09:57,639 This time it's "sea" like the ocean. 164 00:09:57,639 --> 00:09:59,474 Let's all share with the group. 165 00:09:59,474 --> 00:10:01,560 Question. What's your favorite cereal? 166 00:10:01,560 --> 00:10:03,979 - Fruity Pebbles. - Fruity Pebbles. 167 00:10:03,979 --> 00:10:07,065 - Bran Flakes. - Grape-Nuts. 168 00:10:07,065 --> 00:10:08,942 Count Chocula. 169 00:10:11,945 --> 00:10:14,239 Babe, what's yours? 170 00:10:14,239 --> 00:10:16,575 Shredded Wheat. 171 00:10:18,285 --> 00:10:20,579 - Frosted or plain? - Stop interrogating me! 172 00:10:20,579 --> 00:10:23,790 My favorite cereal is my own private business! 173 00:10:27,252 --> 00:10:29,629 {\an8}That bitch is crazy. There's a door right there. 174 00:10:29,629 --> 00:10:34,384 {\an8}Sorry, Jeff, we only have two rules. No singles and no refunds. 175 00:10:39,348 --> 00:10:41,516 The truth about who killed JFK? 176 00:10:41,516 --> 00:10:45,604 I prefer living in the dark. Shred it. 177 00:10:45,604 --> 00:10:48,982 This picture of you and Captain Picard at Comic-Con? 178 00:10:48,982 --> 00:10:50,984 That handsome devil. 179 00:10:50,984 --> 00:10:55,238 But he got a little handsy. Trash it. 180 00:10:56,281 --> 00:11:00,327 - Some funky old rollerblades? - My beloved. 181 00:11:07,417 --> 00:11:10,837 Believe it or not, I was a real rink rat. 182 00:11:10,837 --> 00:11:14,758 I even won the Disco Diva skate-off. 183 00:11:14,758 --> 00:11:17,344 I was riding high that day, 184 00:11:17,344 --> 00:11:20,806 as were my gold lame shorts. 185 00:11:23,642 --> 00:11:28,063 These roller skates are my new standard for joy. 186 00:11:28,063 --> 00:11:31,400 An original Van Gogh, stolen during World War II, 187 00:11:31,400 --> 00:11:34,027 recovered by Green Berets in a midnight raid 188 00:11:34,027 --> 00:11:35,904 that cost two men their lives, 189 00:11:35,904 --> 00:11:37,531 one of whom was your father. 190 00:11:37,531 --> 00:11:39,282 Barf! Burn it! 191 00:11:40,784 --> 00:11:44,287 Stop chasing me, Jeff! Give me some space, stalker! 192 00:11:45,330 --> 00:11:47,916 But Jeff always follows me. 193 00:11:49,876 --> 00:11:52,254 Oof, I do not need another wolf bite. 194 00:11:59,344 --> 00:12:03,390 I'm very sensitive to people's energy and yours sucks ass. 195 00:12:03,390 --> 00:12:06,726 Mi poppers es su poppers. What's your deal, dawg? 196 00:12:06,726 --> 00:12:11,398 My wife jumped out a window because I don't want sex without intimacy. 197 00:12:11,398 --> 00:12:14,651 What? Intimacy is overrated. 198 00:12:14,651 --> 00:12:17,571 And you can orgasm like a pig without it. 199 00:12:17,571 --> 00:12:19,865 Why would I want to orgasm like a pig? 200 00:12:19,865 --> 00:12:23,743 Because pigs have orgasms that last up to 90 minutes. 201 00:12:23,743 --> 00:12:27,539 Maybe that's why bacon tastes so delicious. 202 00:12:27,539 --> 00:12:32,169 Listen, I built a machine capable of giving a pig's orgasm to humans. 203 00:12:32,169 --> 00:12:36,548 And the best part is, once you have one, your brain changes forever. 204 00:12:36,548 --> 00:12:40,343 - You'll never need intimacy again. - Awesome! 205 00:12:40,343 --> 00:12:43,930 If neither of us needs it, me and Babe will get along so great. 206 00:12:43,930 --> 00:12:45,849 Yeah. It's like they say, 207 00:12:45,849 --> 00:12:49,519 once you're squealing, there's no need for feelings. 208 00:12:53,690 --> 00:12:54,941 Where's Jeff? 209 00:12:54,941 --> 00:12:57,068 Kind of hard to do trust falls without a partner. 210 00:12:57,068 --> 00:13:00,572 {\an8}Probably across the street at Applebee's, that's where most of my dropouts end up. 211 00:13:03,950 --> 00:13:05,785 Whoopsie! 212 00:13:06,328 --> 00:13:07,704 I'm Craig Robinson! 213 00:13:09,206 --> 00:13:11,917 Have you seen my husband? Cute butt, wears a hat. 214 00:13:11,917 --> 00:13:16,129 Yeah, he left with some bald pervert in a lab coat who was trying 215 00:13:16,129 --> 00:13:18,632 to hook people up to a pig orgasm machine. 216 00:13:18,632 --> 00:13:19,966 {\an8}Weitzman. 217 00:13:23,094 --> 00:13:25,805 - F-15? - No joy. 218 00:13:25,805 --> 00:13:26,932 Goodwill! 219 00:13:30,018 --> 00:13:31,937 New mission just came in. Drug bust. 220 00:13:31,937 --> 00:13:34,606 All we need is two Black Hawks and a rocket launcher. 221 00:13:36,191 --> 00:13:37,526 What have I done? 222 00:13:37,526 --> 00:13:41,780 I've gotten rid of everything except my golden skates. 223 00:13:43,156 --> 00:13:47,577 This disco diva has a few tricks in him yet. 224 00:13:47,577 --> 00:13:52,290 I'll take it from here, gentlemen. Off I go! 225 00:13:56,419 --> 00:13:58,713 Smith, can I get a push? 226 00:14:02,592 --> 00:14:05,679 Behold, the Porkgasm 5000! 227 00:14:07,389 --> 00:14:10,016 Cool. But why did you build this again? 228 00:14:10,016 --> 00:14:13,228 I believe if humans were as sexually satisfied as pigs, 229 00:14:13,228 --> 00:14:16,356 - world peace would be imminent. - Sure. 230 00:14:16,356 --> 00:14:17,857 So how does it work? 231 00:14:17,857 --> 00:14:21,736 The Porkgasm 5000 bypasses your prefrontal cortex 232 00:14:21,736 --> 00:14:25,574 and connects directly to your spank bank, accessing your turn-ons, 233 00:14:25,574 --> 00:14:28,702 and amplifying them 5,000 times 234 00:14:28,702 --> 00:14:31,830 to give you your most bestest orgasm ever. 235 00:14:31,830 --> 00:14:33,873 Sounds super scientific. 236 00:14:33,873 --> 00:14:37,794 But if it's going to save my marriage, I'll try anything. 237 00:14:40,088 --> 00:14:45,051 All right, Mr. Doctor. Which nose hole do I put my wiener in? 238 00:14:45,051 --> 00:14:47,012 The helmet goes on your head. 239 00:14:53,476 --> 00:14:56,646 There. All ready to get piggy with it. 240 00:15:06,823 --> 00:15:10,118 - Ugh-ugh, baby. - Let's play doctor. 241 00:15:10,118 --> 00:15:13,955 - Want to do it gorilla-style? - You can leave your hat on. 242 00:15:14,789 --> 00:15:16,708 Can we talk first? 243 00:15:16,708 --> 00:15:19,252 Any of you want to share your feelings? 244 00:15:19,252 --> 00:15:23,506 I share feelings. Good feelings. 245 00:15:23,506 --> 00:15:27,344 - This is... not boding well for me. 246 00:15:28,845 --> 00:15:31,723 You should be in hog heaven by now, buddy. 247 00:15:34,934 --> 00:15:36,603 Hmm. No response. 248 00:15:36,603 --> 00:15:38,897 Maybe the oink factor's too low. 249 00:15:40,190 --> 00:15:42,108 Paper towels! Paper towels! 250 00:15:49,824 --> 00:15:52,243 Two visitors in one day? 251 00:15:52,243 --> 00:15:53,870 Ha! Best day ever. 252 00:15:53,870 --> 00:15:57,290 - What have you done with my husband? - Jeff's your husband? 253 00:15:57,290 --> 00:16:00,210 Oh! You're the one who won't meet his needs. 254 00:16:00,210 --> 00:16:02,629 I can totally see that. 255 00:16:02,629 --> 00:16:05,215 Cut the crap, Weitzman. Is Jeff okay? 256 00:16:05,215 --> 00:16:07,676 Oh, right. He's being electrocuted. 257 00:16:12,972 --> 00:16:15,141 Ooh. Shake it, honey. 258 00:16:16,559 --> 00:16:18,061 Hey, girl. What's up? 259 00:16:24,234 --> 00:16:26,194 Mama wants. 260 00:16:31,533 --> 00:16:32,826 Oh, my God! Jeff! 261 00:16:33,368 --> 00:16:34,577 Oh, my God! 262 00:16:34,577 --> 00:16:37,580 - Porky! - What did you do to him, you monster? 263 00:16:37,580 --> 00:16:39,249 Technically, you did this to him. 264 00:16:39,249 --> 00:16:42,544 He wanted to remove his need for intimacy to make you happy. 265 00:16:42,544 --> 00:16:45,422 You want to see a monster? Look in the mirror, honey. 266 00:16:46,589 --> 00:16:48,633 - Just unplug it! - Can't! 267 00:16:48,633 --> 00:16:50,927 If Jeff doesn't orgasm in the machine, 268 00:16:50,927 --> 00:16:53,972 he'll never orgasm again in real life. 269 00:16:53,972 --> 00:16:56,766 It's a small design flaw I don't like to dwell on. 270 00:17:00,478 --> 00:17:02,772 I'm going in. I'm his wife, 271 00:17:02,772 --> 00:17:07,235 and if anyone can make him orgasm like a pig, it's me. 272 00:17:15,034 --> 00:17:17,287 Babe, is that real you? 273 00:17:17,287 --> 00:17:19,956 Jeff, I've got to make you climax, 274 00:17:19,956 --> 00:17:21,833 or we're never getting out of here. 275 00:17:21,833 --> 00:17:25,587 But I need intimacy to do that, and you don't want it. 276 00:17:25,587 --> 00:17:27,046 I do want it. 277 00:17:27,046 --> 00:17:31,217 It's just, there's things I'm ashamed of. 278 00:17:31,217 --> 00:17:33,595 Quit it. Like what, babe? 279 00:17:33,595 --> 00:17:38,641 My first sexual experience. It's so embarrassing. 280 00:17:38,641 --> 00:17:42,145 - I'm afraid you'll judge me. - I could never judge you. 281 00:17:42,145 --> 00:17:44,564 This is a safe space. 282 00:17:47,317 --> 00:17:49,402 - Oh, no. - Is that a basketball? 283 00:17:49,402 --> 00:17:53,990 Wait, did you lose your virginity to a basketball player? 284 00:17:53,990 --> 00:17:58,161 Was it Shaq? LeBron? The great James Naismith? 285 00:18:00,538 --> 00:18:01,748 I'm confused. 286 00:18:01,748 --> 00:18:04,918 I was at the park one day, minding my business. 287 00:18:08,922 --> 00:18:09,923 A little help? 288 00:18:17,263 --> 00:18:22,727 After a while, I got tired of standing, so I sat on a basketball. 289 00:18:22,727 --> 00:18:27,982 And suddenly, for the first time, I felt feelings... 290 00:18:27,982 --> 00:18:29,108 down there. 291 00:18:31,110 --> 00:18:33,905 {\an8}Thank you for being intimate with me, babe! 292 00:18:33,905 --> 00:18:36,533 {\an8}- I've never felt closer to you! - Stop! 293 00:18:36,533 --> 00:18:38,952 {\an8}Don't you dare stick him down there! 294 00:18:38,952 --> 00:18:42,372 {\an8}- Use this instead! - Basketball? 295 00:18:42,372 --> 00:18:44,123 Mama want! 296 00:18:52,924 --> 00:18:57,720 So, a basketball was my first sexual partner. 297 00:18:57,720 --> 00:19:00,473 - You don't think I'm a big weirdo? - Of course I do. 298 00:19:00,473 --> 00:19:02,392 But I love you anyway. 299 00:19:02,392 --> 00:19:05,061 - And I'm really turned on. - You are? 300 00:19:05,061 --> 00:19:08,398 - Wait, I am too. - Quick, tell me another secret. 301 00:19:08,398 --> 00:19:11,734 Okay. Um, my adult teeth never came in. 302 00:19:11,734 --> 00:19:15,280 These are my baby teeth. Luckily, they're freakishly large. 303 00:19:15,280 --> 00:19:17,282 I pee in the shower sometimes. 304 00:19:17,282 --> 00:19:19,659 I pee in the shower every time. 305 00:19:22,829 --> 00:19:23,830 Sex! 306 00:19:24,414 --> 00:19:27,083 Sex! Sex! 307 00:19:28,960 --> 00:19:33,506 Here we go! 308 00:19:33,506 --> 00:19:38,887 What? They're porkgasming from intimacy? Ugh, this is bullshit! 309 00:19:40,930 --> 00:19:43,683 I need a third helmet. 310 00:19:48,313 --> 00:19:53,401 In the name of the CIA and these skates, surrender to justice! 311 00:19:54,652 --> 00:19:56,070 Put down your weapons. 312 00:19:57,947 --> 00:20:00,116 "Boogie Woogie" Bullock? 313 00:20:00,116 --> 00:20:02,076 Randy "Good Times"? 314 00:20:02,076 --> 00:20:06,998 - I haven't seen you since-- - You beat me in the Disco Diva skate-off, 315 00:20:06,998 --> 00:20:10,793 and I turned to a life of crime instead of having good times. 316 00:20:10,793 --> 00:20:13,963 I'll tell you what, Boogie Woogie. I want a do-over. 317 00:20:13,963 --> 00:20:18,384 - And if you win, you can bust my drugs. - And if you win? 318 00:20:18,384 --> 00:20:23,348 - I get those fabulous golden skates. - You're on, Good Times. 319 00:20:24,766 --> 00:20:26,726 My hip! 320 00:20:28,478 --> 00:20:30,813 I've had mine replaced. 321 00:20:36,945 --> 00:20:41,074 {\an8}Sometimes after sex, I like to fantasize about Medieval Times. 322 00:20:41,074 --> 00:20:43,952 {\an8}The dinner and tournament, not the historical period. 323 00:20:43,952 --> 00:20:46,871 {\an8}Babe, when you're intimate like that, 324 00:20:46,871 --> 00:20:52,001 {\an8}you turn "after sex" into "right before" sex. 325 00:20:54,587 --> 00:20:56,089 {\an8}Ew, get a room.